Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Quote: Bean

"The number one job of the dominant is to continually seduce consent from the bottom."
― Joseph Bean

This is an interesting quote, in my opinion. Usually people would argue that it is the bottom's job to give consent rather than the top's to pull it from them. This makes sense though - depending on the relationship and agreed limits between the two, a top will be able to push the bottom's boundaries. However, if they can't successfully coerce their partner into doing it, then that doesn't make them a bad top. It just means that the bottom isn't ready yet.

Another reason this quote interested me is because there has been a lot of debate about consent on Fetlife recently and the grey line that some people tread. Some like their consent to be ignored whereas others need to have given it to you explicitly and you cannot tell just by looking. Because of this, consent is a bit of an awkward topic right now but that tends to make it all the more interesting to discuss.

Personally, I require to have given verbal consent before I allow anyone to touch me, let alone push my boundaries. With my Daddy it is a little different as we have a contract where we have discussed consent in detail but other people need it from both me and him before I am comfortable with anything happening. For the most part we are monogamous in sex and in kink but lately we have toyed with the idea of playing with others together on a case-by-case basis. He played a little bit with a lovely owned slave at the fetish event we go to because I discussed it with him beforehand and we may both play with him at the next one. His Mistress is very happy for us to do so, since she took a shine to us when we met. Of course, any play will depend on everyone's feelings at the time and we won't cross any boundaries without explicit permission from them both.

A different dom at the event crossed my comfort zone when I had come out of the toilet by myself and that won't be happening again. It very much upset me because I was quite shocked and didn't really know what to do about it. I now will have to go to the toilet with someone I know to prevent it happening and that will unfortunately take away some of my fun in the future. He even asked Daddy if he could play with me and when Daddy said probably not, he replied "we'll see what happens" which made us both uncomfortable.

Both Daddy and I are big on consent issues because to us it denotes respect and we find that important in anything we do. I wish others were as thorough in gaining consent (or at least knowing boundaries beforehand) as we are. It would make everything a little easier.

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